Chalk Another One Up for Web 2.0

I recently attempted to pledge money to someone's Kickstarter project, honestly just so I could get a copy of their book to give away as a present, I wasn't even a little interested in it, considering it was being self-published and really doesn't give me any way of knowing that it's worth reading, but that's beside the point.  Well my purchases have been a little less than conservative this month, and it ended up being the camel that broke the straws back, and maxed out my credit card.  I got roughly 10 emails from Amazon telling me to do something about it.  So I pay my bill, and then I tell my significant other, for whom I am getting this book that something went wrong.  We have a discussion about money, and she decides it's not really worth either of us spending money on each other when we have such economic hardship ahead of us what with my spiraling descent into college debt and inevitable unemployment.  So I go on Kickstarter the next day to pull my pledge.

I can't find the goddamn rounded rectangle button that says "I CAN'T GIVE YOU THIRTY DOLLARS ANYMORE."  I look on the help page, and they do say I can do this, it's discouraged, but my circumstances are special, since I don't actually care if this project succeeds or not.  Well the emails are threatening me to do something by the 11th, so I say screw it, if I do nothing, they won't charge me, so I'm good.

WELL WHAT DO YOU KNOW KICKSTARTER, I GET AN EMAIL TODAY SAYING MY PAYMENT WENT THROUGH AS SCHEDULED.  FANTASTIC.  NOW I GET A BOOK NO ONE WANTS.  I'M JUST GOING TO DONATE IT TO THE LIBRARY, HE'LL PROBABLY APPRECIATE THAT I DO THAT.

Button Sinks

I have decided to keep a cultural record of these fantastic devices, since even in concept they are the least intuitive idea ever.

Those sinks in public restrooms where you have to HOLD a button to make water come out is the exact opposite of a good idea.  After using the bathroom, one typically washes their hands (if you don't, I won't judge you).  The process of washing your hands can be broken down basically into wetting your hands, applying soap and then lathering the soap over your hands and rinsing it off in the water while rubbing your hands together.  Maybe I have something wrong, or maybe I'm missing a step, but how do you wash your hands together when you have to hold a button to make water come out?  Do humans have 3 hands or helper monkeys attached to them at all times for using the bathroom?  How the hell am I supposed to get my hands clean when I can't wash both my hands at once.  I've tried everything, using my elbows, holding it down a long time to see if it will maybe keep pouring water out.  I've even tried panicking and giving up.

What's worse is that if you're an extra germ-o-phobe or whatever the hell it is, you're basically touching the button that is probably the most cultured part of the sink in order to rinse off your one hand, but when you go to wash the other hand of putrid human stink, you end up having to touch that button with the clean hand!!!  What kind of infinite no-win loop is that!?

The invention of these sinks becomes exacerbated when there IS a sink with a spigot rather than a stupid hate button.  However, that one is typically less than appealing because everyone used the shit out of it because its the ONLY one that isn't a button based sink (the one I just saw had yellowish water dripping out of it, so it was broken and leaking urine.)  You look at that lone, not working, yet perfect in design sink, and you wonder what could have been.  Why aren't the rest of these sinks spigot based?

Worry not, however, the infinite chain of sadness can be broken with a simple paper towel.  You'll be glad to note that the paper towels are across the goddamn bathroom from the sink in case you need them, you know, to dry your hands from all the sinks that are near them.

Goddamnit blogger, why did I write this.

It's like a disease

Ponies is like a degenerative disease or a sort of Godwin's Law of the internet now.  I can't help it.  Whenever I touch youtube it ends up here.  ALWAYS ends up here.  It's just a matter of when it will happen.  A TtP (Time to Pony), if you will.

Anyway, ponies aside, I have been bit by the writing bug again, and it seems I'm up to my old tricks.  The bug I was bit by, admittedly must have been one of those writing bugs that also has nyquil it directly injects into your veins along with some anti-ritalin, whatever that would be.  I've been wanting to write, but have fallen asleep at every single attempt.

Goddamnit I need a youtube lock.  There is a 5 minute gap between each of these paragraphs when I just get distracted.  I am leaving you for Notepad, Blogger, so I'll see you around.  Notepad is SO my word processor of choice, yo.

Bloggair.

Hi, Blogger, it's been awhile, and so I felt like dropping in and just expecting you to be free, but don't worry, I have taken into account that you may have saved all your loving for someone who's loving you.  Thanks Gloria.

I have spent an entire summer doing nothing creative.  YES.  I, for just one more summer, wanted to ACTUALLY do nothing at all.  I hung out with friends and worked and had no special trips.  I watched a lot of cats over the summer.  I had fun, and for the first time in years, I didn't want summer to end when it had ended.  So much so, that I have spent the past week of school being an absolute fuckup who never brings a bookbag to school.

My girlfriend, Michelle, is leaving tomorrow for college. I will miss her dearly, since she started writing this while I was watching her pack, I felt I had to leave it in.  I actually had probably the most enjoyable summer I ever had with her.  Our relationship had been sort of rocky last year, and it was nice to just get along with her and enjoy our time together.


Okay I'm bored already.  I promise next post will be funny.


J.J. Dynamite

Just leaving this here.

Today

I saw an inflated rubber glove billowing in the streets.  Why and how were the only things I could think when I drove by it bouncing and rolling around my neighborhood.  A rubber glove is weird enough, let alone an inflated one.  It was almost surreal; I thought I was hallucinating. 

Anyway, Blogger, it seems that our semester together is coming to an end soon.  I had to keep you for creative writing, and now that the class is over, I'm not 100% sure if we'll keep in touch.  I'm not much for long goodbyes, but I'll try to make an exception.  I'll write what comes to me, and what gets filtered through my journals for studio classes (or maybe the opposite, I haven't decided yet.)

Ah screw it, I'll probably end up posting tomorrow, I think this is an addiction, honestly.

-Captain J. M. Sanders

I think blogger has capped me out at 39 posts.  I swear to god I keep posting one and it keeps saying 39.  Anyway, last week had nothing posted because it was really too busy.  I didn't have the tools to write, so obviously I wasn't reading either (or something like that.)

The weather is damp, and like damper than damp.  It's crotch damp here.

I haven't been taking naps after work lately, beacause I feel like my overall performance is affected for the rest of the day, but I think I may make an exception today, considering how I spelled because wrong a while back but I haven't corrected it yet.

Good night.

-Rumms X. Umber